Not Feeling Hostel, Just Annoyed.
A few days ago, I saw a clip online from the movie Hostel II. This movie is the sequel to Hostel, and brings in a brand new, original premise. In the first installment, a group of guys find this great hostel where they get laid, then ultimately brutally tortured. In the new one, Eli Roth has taken the huge step of completely revamping the movie, by using - get this - chicks, instead of dudes.
I know. Wow, right? Instead of some guys finding the hostel and getting sliced and diced, it's some chicks who do the exact same thing. Inspired? I think so. See, though, the beauty of this idea is that you can take off one or all of the chick's shirts and sell more movie tickets. I fail to see how Eli Roth cannot be thought of as Pure Genius. Especially because he wrote, directed, and produced both of these movies. It amazes me how he could write the first Hostel, then sit down at a typewriter and punch out a completely different movie!
That being said, I loathe this kind of film. I'm not a fan of the horror movie in general, but I can see the appeal of some of them. Good psychological twist, interesting story, cool evil guy, etc. These are fine reasons to go see some of the horror flicks I've come across. I haven't enjoyed all of them, but I know others have and that's absolutely super.
But this type of movie isn't a movie. It's a 90-minute or so shock/snuff film. All it does is allow some uninventive "director" to say, basically, "Look how demented I am! Come, see how crazy I can be!! Isn't this some crazy stuff I can do?"
It annoys me, as it should annoy everyone. It demeans people, as far as I'm concerned. Saw was okay. It had some great plot twists, and with the exception of Westley (if you don't get that reference, just keep moving) chopping off his own foot, there wasn't many Look At All The Gore moments. Saw II was different. In that one, all I saw was Look How Sick We Can Be, with a small twist at the end that made you feel kind of bad for Donnie Wahlberg. I left the theater thinking I should have never walked into the theater. They're lucky that popcorn is so good.
What I'm trying to get at is as such. You can make a really good, really scary and demented movie without having to resort to shock and awe. In Psycho, the gore goes to the extent of blood running down a drain. The Shining has a naked corpse make out with Jack Nicholson, but the scary part is seeing hundreds of sheets of paper with the same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns.
I have not seen either of the Hostels, by the way. "How then, can you judge?"
Two reasons. First, this is my blog. Second, keep reading.
Remember the scene I told you about at the beginning of this post? The one I found on the World Wide Web? It began with several men gathered around a naked woman chained upside down. This woman will henceforth be referred to as Chained Naked Chick. Naked woman? Sweet, send me the link. No, I will not. Try to focus. These men light some candles on the floor around a small pit of sorts, then leave the room. Another door opens and another woman enters the room. This woman is also, naturally, naked. This woman will henceforth be referred to as Evil Naked Lady. Dude, two naked chicks in one room, one of them's chained up, and you think it's a bad thing? No, just a dumb thing.
Evil Naked Lady walks slowly, but with purpose, to the small pit of sorts where she lays down, propped up a bit by the first step into the small pit of sorts. It kind of looks like a hot tub. You see where this is going. The Chained Naked Chick is gagged, by the way. So there she is, Chained Naked Chick, struggling with her chains whilst vertically reversed and dangling. Evil Naked Lady then picks up a scythe, which I did not see previously and I can only assume has been sterilized, and caresses Chained Naked Chick with it. Using it to remove Chained Naked Chick's gag, Chained Naked Chick cries, pleads, and cries while Evil Naked Lady smiles. Immediately after smiling, Evil Naked Lady begins to slowly slice up Chained Naked Chick so that Chained Naked Chick's blood runs down and drips all over Evil Naked Lady. Another cut, more blood, screaming, etc and so on.
That was the point where I stopped watching the clip and searched for hot celebrity women for my desktop background at work. The clip was dumb. It was pointless. It was a perfect example of the aforementioned Look How Sick We Can Be mentality. Worse, it was unimaginative and served no purpose except for that of giving an adolescent kid a look at some tits and an idea in his perverted head.
I know it will make money. It's inevitable. In light of that, I can and will hope that it completely bombs, makes no money whatsoever, and puts Eli Roth on some sort of Directorial Blacklist. I also hope it destroys any possibility of anyone making any kind of movie like this ever again. There's no art to it, no meaning, and no entertainment, in my humble opinion. What part of watching people be violently tortured in different ways is appealing? Seriously, give me a good explanation of that and I will take everything I just said back.
Oh, and after reading all this, see why my title to this post is so freaking clever?
I know. I'm good.
I know. Wow, right? Instead of some guys finding the hostel and getting sliced and diced, it's some chicks who do the exact same thing. Inspired? I think so. See, though, the beauty of this idea is that you can take off one or all of the chick's shirts and sell more movie tickets. I fail to see how Eli Roth cannot be thought of as Pure Genius. Especially because he wrote, directed, and produced both of these movies. It amazes me how he could write the first Hostel, then sit down at a typewriter and punch out a completely different movie!
That being said, I loathe this kind of film. I'm not a fan of the horror movie in general, but I can see the appeal of some of them. Good psychological twist, interesting story, cool evil guy, etc. These are fine reasons to go see some of the horror flicks I've come across. I haven't enjoyed all of them, but I know others have and that's absolutely super.
But this type of movie isn't a movie. It's a 90-minute or so shock/snuff film. All it does is allow some uninventive "director" to say, basically, "Look how demented I am! Come, see how crazy I can be!! Isn't this some crazy stuff I can do?"
It annoys me, as it should annoy everyone. It demeans people, as far as I'm concerned. Saw was okay. It had some great plot twists, and with the exception of Westley (if you don't get that reference, just keep moving) chopping off his own foot, there wasn't many Look At All The Gore moments. Saw II was different. In that one, all I saw was Look How Sick We Can Be, with a small twist at the end that made you feel kind of bad for Donnie Wahlberg. I left the theater thinking I should have never walked into the theater. They're lucky that popcorn is so good.
What I'm trying to get at is as such. You can make a really good, really scary and demented movie without having to resort to shock and awe. In Psycho, the gore goes to the extent of blood running down a drain. The Shining has a naked corpse make out with Jack Nicholson, but the scary part is seeing hundreds of sheets of paper with the same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns same sentence written over and over in varying patterns.
I have not seen either of the Hostels, by the way. "How then, can you judge?"
Two reasons. First, this is my blog. Second, keep reading.
Remember the scene I told you about at the beginning of this post? The one I found on the World Wide Web? It began with several men gathered around a naked woman chained upside down. This woman will henceforth be referred to as Chained Naked Chick. Naked woman? Sweet, send me the link. No, I will not. Try to focus. These men light some candles on the floor around a small pit of sorts, then leave the room. Another door opens and another woman enters the room. This woman is also, naturally, naked. This woman will henceforth be referred to as Evil Naked Lady. Dude, two naked chicks in one room, one of them's chained up, and you think it's a bad thing? No, just a dumb thing.
Evil Naked Lady walks slowly, but with purpose, to the small pit of sorts where she lays down, propped up a bit by the first step into the small pit of sorts. It kind of looks like a hot tub. You see where this is going. The Chained Naked Chick is gagged, by the way. So there she is, Chained Naked Chick, struggling with her chains whilst vertically reversed and dangling. Evil Naked Lady then picks up a scythe, which I did not see previously and I can only assume has been sterilized, and caresses Chained Naked Chick with it. Using it to remove Chained Naked Chick's gag, Chained Naked Chick cries, pleads, and cries while Evil Naked Lady smiles. Immediately after smiling, Evil Naked Lady begins to slowly slice up Chained Naked Chick so that Chained Naked Chick's blood runs down and drips all over Evil Naked Lady. Another cut, more blood, screaming, etc and so on.
That was the point where I stopped watching the clip and searched for hot celebrity women for my desktop background at work. The clip was dumb. It was pointless. It was a perfect example of the aforementioned Look How Sick We Can Be mentality. Worse, it was unimaginative and served no purpose except for that of giving an adolescent kid a look at some tits and an idea in his perverted head.
I know it will make money. It's inevitable. In light of that, I can and will hope that it completely bombs, makes no money whatsoever, and puts Eli Roth on some sort of Directorial Blacklist. I also hope it destroys any possibility of anyone making any kind of movie like this ever again. There's no art to it, no meaning, and no entertainment, in my humble opinion. What part of watching people be violently tortured in different ways is appealing? Seriously, give me a good explanation of that and I will take everything I just said back.
Oh, and after reading all this, see why my title to this post is so freaking clever?
I know. I'm good.
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