The Real World.

(Originally written December 2, 2006)

Okay, so Nichole just got cable installed in her new apartment. Seriously, the guy just left about 20 minutes ago.

You know how there's a stereotype regarding plumbers and repairmen? How when they bend over some you get to see the crack of their hairy posterior? Right, well you can add Cable Guy to that list, because I was treated to quite the sight when he went for that serial number. I'm still trying to erase the image from my mind by watching a Faces Of Death marathon.

So I'm here, surfing the ol' net and critiquing the MySpace pages of many a stranger while Nichole channel surfed, enjoying her newfound foray into the world of Cable Television (newfound in that she just got cable again since moving.. she has had cable before). She happened upon The Real World.

If you are unfamiliar with The Real World, This Is A True Story Of 7 People Picked To Live In A House And Have Their Lives Taped To Find Out What Happens When People Stop Being Polite And Start Getting Real. The Real World. Denver.

I hate reality television. Except nature shows. Real World, Survivor, Average Joe, Girls Gone Wild, all of them. They annoy me, the people on the shows annoy me, and the Producers should be kicked in the shins repeatedly until they repent and promise to stay out of the television business and take up a career in real estate.

So we watched about 10 minutes of The Real World, and 1 minute into that time I heard these words:

"I really like making out with you. It's my thing."

This was said to a girl, by a guy, because he didn't want to get into a relationship, he just wanted to make out with the girl. There is another girl in the house he liked making out with too, and he prefers that girl because he knows she is not interested in a relationship of any sort.

Then, one girl who knew another girl made out with the guy wanted to talk to the one girl about the girl who made out with the guy when she knew the other girl didn't. So the girl went to take a shower, which was located in the middle of the living room/kitchen area mind you, where the other girl tried to talk to her about it and noticed a hickey on her neck and said something and the other girl made high pitch noises of dismay while trying to make up a story.

You see why I hate The Real World.

These people disgust me. The Producers put a shower, with clear glass, in the middle of the room. Why. So maybe people will have sex there! And we can tape it! And maybe another girl will join in! And then the gay guy will get involved! And maybe the black guy will hook up with the white girl and then another girl will get pissed at the white guy who had tried to hook up with the white girl who wanted the black guy!

The People Picked To Live In A House are all whiny, ignorant just-turned-21-year-olds. They have been put in an ideal situation, and somehow find a way to screw it up and whine and bitch and fight. For no reason other than Tad kissed Constance Fry.

Here's a pool, cool job, and a free place to stay. And could you maybe hate the other people while trying to hook up with all of them? Oh, and are you a borderline alcoholic? Already in a healthy relationship that you will promptly destroy and then cry over? Good, good. Sign here, please.

I can only hope that at some point, the general population will wake up and revolt against reality television. The first two seasons of The Real World were good. Regular people, not these fake, spoiled model-types that make Americans in general look like complete degenerates. Before the Powers That Be decided the only way to get people to watch is to get everyone naked and throw them into the community shower.

I heard next year the living room will have toilets instead of seats. Just in case one of the girls wants to give a guy a blumpkin while they're all talking about how each of the girls are sluts and the guys are assholes.

MTV will provide the Glade. Tune in.

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