Girl Scout Cookies.
Girl Scout Cookies are good.
I don't think anyone can deny that. They are, for the most part, freakin' delicious. It's a shame they only come around twice a year or so, because they really do compliment any dinner or dessert. Want to spruce up a Hot Fudge Sundae? Crumble up some Thin Mints and spread 'em on. Want to make your Banana Split sing? How about two well placed Samoas? Yeah, that's right. Feel the goodness. A Producer at my work put up a Cookie Sign-Up Sheet. I'll be the proud recipient of one box of Samoas, one box of Tagalongs, and one box of the classic shortbread.
"What?!" you exclaim. "No Thin Mints? And you call yourself a guy who buys girl scout cookies??"
I know, I know. Normally I'd be on those like a fat kid on something fat kids really like to be on. You see, Nichole and I received what is virtually three boxes worth of Thin Mint-type cookies for Christmas and for me to purchase a box of Thin Mints from the Girl Scouts would be both irresponsible and utterly insane. I enjoy bouts of insanity often enough without forcing the state upon myself.
Now we come to the main reason for this here blog you are currently enjoying more than you would a couple Lemonades - mainly because those are probably the only Girl Scout cookies I would never buy, eat, or smoke.
What I want to find out is why have the Boy Scouts not bought into this? I don't mean the Cookie Trade, mind you, I just mean in general. Why have the Boy Scouts not found themselves a product to push? The girls already nabbed cookies. But they're not selling mini-pizzas, are they? Steaks? Trips to the Cathouse?
I would like to personally recommend what I think would be a great product to put the Boy Scout brand on without losing any masculinity that is naturally associated with the Boy Scouts.
I was a Boy Scout. We are very manly.
I said BOY SCOUTS, not the Troop Leaders. We all know they're pedophiles.
What I would like to propose may take a bit to catch on fully, but I know at least 10 people off the top of my head that would make substantial purchases. Of what, you ask?
However it is sold, this will work. I can feel you reading this in your underwear and thinking to yourself, "This will work. He's a goddamn genius."
And you'd be right. I am. You heard it here first, folks.
I don't think anyone can deny that. They are, for the most part, freakin' delicious. It's a shame they only come around twice a year or so, because they really do compliment any dinner or dessert. Want to spruce up a Hot Fudge Sundae? Crumble up some Thin Mints and spread 'em on. Want to make your Banana Split sing? How about two well placed Samoas? Yeah, that's right. Feel the goodness. A Producer at my work put up a Cookie Sign-Up Sheet. I'll be the proud recipient of one box of Samoas, one box of Tagalongs, and one box of the classic shortbread.
"What?!" you exclaim. "No Thin Mints? And you call yourself a guy who buys girl scout cookies??"
I know, I know. Normally I'd be on those like a fat kid on something fat kids really like to be on. You see, Nichole and I received what is virtually three boxes worth of Thin Mint-type cookies for Christmas and for me to purchase a box of Thin Mints from the Girl Scouts would be both irresponsible and utterly insane. I enjoy bouts of insanity often enough without forcing the state upon myself.
Now we come to the main reason for this here blog you are currently enjoying more than you would a couple Lemonades - mainly because those are probably the only Girl Scout cookies I would never buy, eat, or smoke.
What I want to find out is why have the Boy Scouts not bought into this? I don't mean the Cookie Trade, mind you, I just mean in general. Why have the Boy Scouts not found themselves a product to push? The girls already nabbed cookies. But they're not selling mini-pizzas, are they? Steaks? Trips to the Cathouse?
I would like to personally recommend what I think would be a great product to put the Boy Scout brand on without losing any masculinity that is naturally associated with the Boy Scouts.
I was a Boy Scout. We are very manly.
I said BOY SCOUTS, not the Troop Leaders. We all know they're pedophiles.
What I would like to propose may take a bit to catch on fully, but I know at least 10 people off the top of my head that would make substantial purchases. Of what, you ask?
Boy Scout Brew.
You find a fledgling brewery trying it's damnest to go national with their product. Make a deal, word it somehow so it's not illegal for kids to be selling, and VIOLA, you have yourself a cash cow so full of milk it just flows without the squeezin'. Brew a light ale, a regular ale, a stout, something with a touch of fruit, something that makes the beer reddish. Follow it with at least 2 other variations. Then, if you decide to go with this, say, twice a year, offer a seasonal brew for each time. Selling in the winter months, Boy Scout Winter Ale. The name would be better, but I'm working off the cuff here, so indulge me. Sell it two ways. First way would be by the sixer. Second would be in those flip-top beer bottles. Maybe by the liter. Something along those lines. Of course, you could offer discounts when you get into the orders by the case.
However it is sold, this will work. I can feel you reading this in your underwear and thinking to yourself, "This will work. He's a goddamn genius."
And you'd be right. I am. You heard it here first, folks.
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