Apology To The Homeless.
Sorry, Guy With Cart.
Sorry, Lady On Bench.
Sorry, Scruffy Guy With Old Paper Cup.
Sorry, Dude With Sign And New Shoes.
I am no longer able to give you guys money. It's not because I think you're lying or are lazy and just don't want to get a job or are an alcoholic and will only spend my hard earned money on booze or anything. It's because others of your ilk have ruined it for you. That's right. I have seen so many signs and heard so many blatant lies that I can no longer give you my money with a smile and good hearted, "Here, get yourself something pretty." In Salisbury, Baltimore, and Bethesda, I have heard all kinds of sob stories. From someone's father being airlifted to John's Hopkins and needing money to get across a bridge to money needed to get a cab to get blah blah blah. It really all becomes the same. Now, this apology and basic lack of charity does not blanket the entire run of homeless folk. Sometimes you can tell who's kind of homeless, and who's really homeless. The really homeless person smells, has a good bit of facial growth (as a male), and is borderline inoherent. Mumbles, grunts, small movements. These guys need your money. They can buy alcohol or drugs with it, that's fine. Whichever does a better job numbing them up. Also, small tip. Don't lie.
Do not come up to me with a long story that is going to waste my time, because at that point I've already come up with a solid story as to why I have no cash, as well as a subtle hint as to the availability of jobs at any given McDonald's. You've undoubtedly seen a picture on the internet of a guy with a sign saying something like this:
This person is truthful. Pitiful, sure. Going About Life All Wrong, sure. But at least they are not trying to make you feel better by making you think your two bucks is going towards a bowl of Campbell's soup that will lift their spirits in such a way that they will wake up the next day with a renewed sense of self and try to become a productive member of the work force.
This is not going to happen. St. Ides is going to happen. Old English is going to happen. Jack Daniels is going to happen. Hell, Everclear might be happening. I just appreciate someone who is going to tell it like it is, none of the Hungry God Bless stuff. Of course, I'm still not giving you my money, but at least you are preaching honesty in the face of adversity.
So if you are interested in my money, if you really need the $1.57 I have in my pocket, then talk with your fellow homeless brethren. Have homeless sit-downs where you council the liars. Tell them to stop. Tell it like it is, make them see the error of their ways. Because until you are able to work this out, my wallet is closed. My charity will go the way of breast cancer and AIDS and child-related diseases.
I'm sorry if this comes across harsh. I would like to think, though, that if I was put in the position I would do everything I could do get out of that situation and make my life better and liveable. And if I can't, then at least I won't lie. My sign will be more along the lines of:
Oh, and of course, "God Bless You. Cuz you see what I got."
Sorry, Lady On Bench.
Sorry, Scruffy Guy With Old Paper Cup.
Sorry, Dude With Sign And New Shoes.
I am no longer able to give you guys money. It's not because I think you're lying or are lazy and just don't want to get a job or are an alcoholic and will only spend my hard earned money on booze or anything. It's because others of your ilk have ruined it for you. That's right. I have seen so many signs and heard so many blatant lies that I can no longer give you my money with a smile and good hearted, "Here, get yourself something pretty." In Salisbury, Baltimore, and Bethesda, I have heard all kinds of sob stories. From someone's father being airlifted to John's Hopkins and needing money to get across a bridge to money needed to get a cab to get blah blah blah. It really all becomes the same. Now, this apology and basic lack of charity does not blanket the entire run of homeless folk. Sometimes you can tell who's kind of homeless, and who's really homeless. The really homeless person smells, has a good bit of facial growth (as a male), and is borderline inoherent. Mumbles, grunts, small movements. These guys need your money. They can buy alcohol or drugs with it, that's fine. Whichever does a better job numbing them up. Also, small tip. Don't lie.
Do not come up to me with a long story that is going to waste my time, because at that point I've already come up with a solid story as to why I have no cash, as well as a subtle hint as to the availability of jobs at any given McDonald's. You've undoubtedly seen a picture on the internet of a guy with a sign saying something like this:
"Hell, I ain't gonna lie. I'm just lazy" or "I need money to buy booze."
This is not going to happen. St. Ides is going to happen. Old English is going to happen. Jack Daniels is going to happen. Hell, Everclear might be happening. I just appreciate someone who is going to tell it like it is, none of the Hungry God Bless stuff. Of course, I'm still not giving you my money, but at least you are preaching honesty in the face of adversity.
So if you are interested in my money, if you really need the $1.57 I have in my pocket, then talk with your fellow homeless brethren. Have homeless sit-downs where you council the liars. Tell them to stop. Tell it like it is, make them see the error of their ways. Because until you are able to work this out, my wallet is closed. My charity will go the way of breast cancer and AIDS and child-related diseases.
I'm sorry if this comes across harsh. I would like to think, though, that if I was put in the position I would do everything I could do get out of that situation and make my life better and liveable. And if I can't, then at least I won't lie. My sign will be more along the lines of:
"I'll take it if you got it. I got nothin'."
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