The Winchester

I'm going to preface this with a quick disclaimer . Of sorts. I will not be using the names of those involved, aside from myself and few uses of Nichole. I will be omitting the reasons for attending this wedding, no talk of familial relations will be found herein. I don't want to offend, really, but the story must be told. Also, this is pretty long. First off, this wedding took place in an American Legion building, somewhere in or around Laurel, MD. I cannot say for sure, as I am not sure. We pulled up, and looking out of the window I saw a few people getting out of their car in the parking lot. One was wearing a neon pink dress. And so it begins. We parked in front of the building, but we had to walk around to a side door to get inside. We knew this because there was a dry-erase board on a stand with the words Wedding party written diagonally and a crude arrow pointing towards the side of the building. And so it continues. Walking in, there were streamers1 of som...

There's a great article from the Baltimore Sun about the greatest offensive linemen ever, Jonathan Ogden. I suggest you go check it out . That's all for now. Tune in soon for The Greatest Wedding Ever.

Ike Turner won't have his own day. The Mayor of St. Louis has turned down a request to make September 2nd " Ike Turner Day ". I don't know about you, but this is a complete travesty. For an ethically superior man such as Ike Turner to not have his own day is ridiculous. I bet his 13 ex-wives are incensed. He wrote an autobiography in 2001, in which he denied his supposed abuse of Tina Turner during their marriage. Here is a quick quote from said autobiography. "Sure, I've slapped Tina... There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I never beat her." Give this man his day. Anyone who can go toe-to-toe with Tina Turner in a no-holds-barred slugfest automatically gets both my support, and my love. Each of which is fleeting, so hold on to it. __________ PETA is screaming for Michael Vick's head. Nike has suspended his shoe. People are protesting with cries of "Sack Vick," which I find excruciatingly origin...

So I guess when you get older, you're just allowed to not know how things work. I was on my way back from getting dinner tonight, and I passed by two older folks getting out of their car after parking on the side of the road by a parking meter. This road has parking meters, which is the reason I am writing this entry you are currently loving the shit out of. So they got out, and both of them walked up to the parking meter. Parking meters have apparently been around since the 1930's, the first of which was installed in Oklahoma City in '35. This says to me that everyone, at least in the United States, knows what a parking meter is and has at least seen someone work it. Which is why it struck me as odd that both of these old folks looked at the thing like it just sprung up next to their car when they parked at might at any time jump out at them and rob them of their social security checks. Maybe they watched too much Get Smart and thought perhaps there was a secret age...

As much as I would like it, I guess I'm better off having not developed telepathic abilities. "Why is that?" you ask, not really listening in the first place. Well, I probably would have killed at least a dozen people today by broadcasting the words FAST LANE in giant neon flashing letters directly into their minds, causing instant brain aneurysms and a huge accident leading to hours worth of traffic jams. Seriously, if you are going to drive around under the speed limit with a large cooler and several bulk packs of bottled water strapped haphazardly to the roof of your car, it may be best for all involved in the drive if you kept to the right of the four-lane-65-mph highway. Only you can prevent forest fires.

I just read a story over on Ain't It Cool News that caused my blood to turn cold. Apparently, The Powers That Be in Hollywood are planning on making Ace Ventura 3 . Normally, I would stand and applaud this decision, and explain to those I socialize with how great of an idea this really and truly is. I cannot do that, unfortunately. They are making it without Jim Carrey. "How is that even possible?" you ask with shock and no awe. Well, it seems they will be using the premise that has always worked so well in the past with sequels. It will be Ace Ventura's son that has the adventure. Something about a panda. It doesn't matter. This hasn't worked before, and will not work now. I loved Dumb & Dumber . The sequel sucked. Or prequel, I guess. Why was it so bad? Because Jim Carrey wasn't in it. If you are going to a sequel, you must have both Carrey and Daniels. Take a look at all the good sequels out there. Even good spinoffs. They have somet...

I have something to write about regarding a commercial I saw last night. It was only 45 seconds long, but it smacked me right in the face and screamed, "Wake up!!! People will buy anything!!!!" But I'm not going to write about that right now. Instead, here are photos of old 80's vintage He-Man action figures I used to have. Both He-Man's and Skeletor's mounts are not included, nor any vehicles. I think that's about all of them. At least, from what I can remember. I also had several He-Man vehicles, plus the aforementioned mounts of He-Man and Skeletor, the tiger and panther respectively. I know. It's all pretty awesome.