The Winchester

I am not what one would refer to as "in shape." I sport a decent beer belly, two small chins, and do not partake in exercise in the physical sense. If I was a super villian, I would be the Evil Genius , and not the Evil Strong Guy . So it stands to reason that after a day or two of relatively constant manual labor, I would be in pain. This was the case. Last Friday, we began moving into another apartment . We had a two bedroom, and are upgrading our living space to a two bedroom with den model. All the same dimensions as the other apartment for the most part, with the luxury of an extra room for my Real Dolls and random toy collection. The ceiling is also kind of diagonal, and has a ceiling fan. Lastly, a fireplace adorns on of our walls. Great for a nice, quiet cuddle and the burning of suspicious documents. Let me say this right off. Well, almost right off. Just a little ways in, is more accurate. I hate moving. Hate . I have moved more than any human should be made to mov...

August 13 , 2007. This is the day I will be turning thirty years old. Thirty years. That's quite a long time to have spent alive. Three decades. 33.33333333% of a century. Six counts of five years. More days than I plan on calculating. More than a third of my life passed, as I don't fully expect to reach ninety years old. If I do, I'll come back here and edit this entry. I know people tend to worry or freak out or tense up or enter a complete state of denial about getting older. For some reason, it scares them. I guess for some people it's the One Year Closer To Death thing. Others, maybe it's a longing for the days of youth, what with little to no responsibility. True, when you're young the only things you really need to worry about what time Mom said to come home, and whether or not Dad will leave a dirty mag lying around that you can sequester yourself with for a few days. Perhaps it has to do with what one perceives as their own physical attracti...

It's been a little while since my last post. Deal with it. This past Saturday was my girlfriend Nichole's birthday. It also happens to be our anniversary day as well, so you can imagine we want to do it up right, which usually includes good food and alcohol. It also involves me opening up the ol' checkbook, as I have two occasions worth of presents to buy. I tend to over-do it, which is part of what makes me so awesome . We started the day with a nice, juicy hangover. I wasn't too bad off, but the night before she had decided at some point to do several back-to-back shots with people at the bar. I did a French Martini shooter, because I do not drink liquor and cannot stomach whiskey. So I go with the fruity stuff. Yeah, I roll hard. I have broken the goings-on down into sections of a sort, so if you don't care that we went to the pool, skip that part. The Morning. We were supposed to spend the day packing , which completely and totally did not happen. This was dec...

I'm going to preface this with a quick disclaimer . Of sorts. I will not be using the names of those involved, aside from myself and few uses of Nichole. I will be omitting the reasons for attending this wedding, no talk of familial relations will be found herein. I don't want to offend, really, but the story must be told. Also, this is pretty long. First off, this wedding took place in an American Legion building, somewhere in or around Laurel, MD. I cannot say for sure, as I am not sure. We pulled up, and looking out of the window I saw a few people getting out of their car in the parking lot. One was wearing a neon pink dress. And so it begins. We parked in front of the building, but we had to walk around to a side door to get inside. We knew this because there was a dry-erase board on a stand with the words Wedding party written diagonally and a crude arrow pointing towards the side of the building. And so it continues. Walking in, there were streamers1 of som...

There's a great article from the Baltimore Sun about the greatest offensive linemen ever, Jonathan Ogden. I suggest you go check it out . That's all for now. Tune in soon for The Greatest Wedding Ever.

Ike Turner won't have his own day. The Mayor of St. Louis has turned down a request to make September 2nd " Ike Turner Day ". I don't know about you, but this is a complete travesty. For an ethically superior man such as Ike Turner to not have his own day is ridiculous. I bet his 13 ex-wives are incensed. He wrote an autobiography in 2001, in which he denied his supposed abuse of Tina Turner during their marriage. Here is a quick quote from said autobiography. "Sure, I've slapped Tina... There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I never beat her." Give this man his day. Anyone who can go toe-to-toe with Tina Turner in a no-holds-barred slugfest automatically gets both my support, and my love. Each of which is fleeting, so hold on to it. __________ PETA is screaming for Michael Vick's head. Nike has suspended his shoe. People are protesting with cries of "Sack Vick," which I find excruciatingly origin...

So I guess when you get older, you're just allowed to not know how things work. I was on my way back from getting dinner tonight, and I passed by two older folks getting out of their car after parking on the side of the road by a parking meter. This road has parking meters, which is the reason I am writing this entry you are currently loving the shit out of. So they got out, and both of them walked up to the parking meter. Parking meters have apparently been around since the 1930's, the first of which was installed in Oklahoma City in '35. This says to me that everyone, at least in the United States, knows what a parking meter is and has at least seen someone work it. Which is why it struck me as odd that both of these old folks looked at the thing like it just sprung up next to their car when they parked at might at any time jump out at them and rob them of their social security checks. Maybe they watched too much Get Smart and thought perhaps there was a secret age...