Life Never Ceases To Amaze.

On July 17, 2007, I posted a blog with an opening line about a commercial I saw the night before. Instead of writing about that commercial, I put up a bunch of pictures of He-Man figures I used to own. I'm not sure why I did this, but I did. So there you go.

I have decided it is now time to talk about the commercial. I said in that blog, the commercial made me think, People will buy anything. I was correct in this assumption.

The commercial's intensity follows in the footsteps of Girls Gone Wild and available DVD's such as those. It does not, however, match the content. Instead, this DVD series is about....



....





....wait for it....





....Trains.



It was a commercial for a DVD series called Lots & Lots of Trains. The announcer comes in with something asking if you love trains and here comes Lots & Lots of Trains. Along with this scintillating talk comes an MTV-style montage of train footage. Big trains, small trains, fast trains, slow trains, red fish, blue fish, one fish, fish trains.

It captivated me like how captivating things captivate other people. I was in awe. Not of the trains, mind you, but because someone had made and was selling DVD's featuring many different kinds of trains riding along their tracks. Now, I have seen a lot of porn. I mean, a lot. I have never seen a train fetish, though, so I can only assume these videos were not made for train enthusiasts to masturbate to.

Which means, they are serious. This is not a joke. I thought maybe, Hmm... someone must be messing with people's minds here. Maybe, just maybe, the Powers That Be decided they would mess with those of us watching A&E at 3am. At least, I hoped that was the case. But alas, it is not a joke.

Not only is Lots & Lots of Trains an actual DVD, but there is a Volume 2. If you loved Lots & Lots of Trains, you'll vomit for Lots & Lots of Trains: Volume 2!!! And if you vomited for Lots & Lots of Trains: Volume 2, you'll anally bleed for when we come out with Lots & Lots of Trains: Volume 3 for some reason!!!!

I just don't get it, as I don't get many other things. How did they sell enough of Volume One to make Volume Two a necessity? On Amazon.com, they have Katey Sagal and James Garner listed as 'Actors.' How the hell did they get Peggy Bundy, much less James Garner??

This rant doesn't exactly have much of a point, obviously, aside from putting a voice to my bewilderment. It amazes me that things like this exist, and moreover that people buy this stuff. Now, to be fair, the two reviews I read explained how much the reviewers' kids liked Lots & Lots of Trains. In that respect, I can understand why the video exists. Even so, enough parents bought this for their kids to warrant a Volume Two? Really?

Shouldn't there be a lot more train engineers? I have never met someone whose occupation dealt with the driving of trains.

If I did, though, I would buy them this movie. I'm thinking of buying it anyway, just to say I have it.

I can't wait for Lots & Lots of Mopeds.

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